I am very emotionally disturbed and need your advice to save this marriage. Iv been married for 3 years and over the years my husband has lied to me on numerous times for which I have forgiven him. He even cheated on me by talking to an ex girl he wanted to marry once and asked for forgiveness when I found out and repented. Then last year I developed a sexual condition when I went to the dr she told me it's sexually transmitted disease that only gets passed on from sex. I asked my husband after that if he has ever been in illegitimate relationship that might be the cause and he swore on Allah that he hasn't been. I didn't get myself properly screened and treated thinking he is telling the truth. Just recently I found out from another source that he was in 8 year relationship with another woman before he married me and commited zina during that time. When I confronted him he threw a fit and said he hid it yes because I do not need to know what has happened in his past..to a degree I agree with that but I also discovered he had been in contact with her after we got married so made an excuse to say that's because that woman owed him money she needed to contact etc. If a person really repents do they still have the right to contact them and then keep that hidden from the wife? I feel so broken and shattered. I married this man thinking he is religious and been pious. I haven't shared this with anyone in family yet I can't stomach it. I feel like I cannot trust this man anymore
How can I protect my marriage from collapse?
Question: 270696
Praise be to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah and his family.
The conditions of repentance are three: regret for past sin, giving up present sin, and resolving not to go back to that sin in the future. One of the signs of this resolve is closing all doors that lead to that sin and barring all means that could lead to it.
Based on that: it is not permissible for the one who was communicating with a woman in a way that is prohibited according to Islamic teachings to continue communicating with her under any circumstances. Rather what he must do is close every door that could lead to that. For him, this is the first correct step on the way to repentance, if he is serious about repenting and turning to the Lord of the Worlds.
Our advice to you, if you want to preserve your marriage, is to be patient with your husband and try to help him to close those doors and try to prevent him from communicating with this woman by all possible means. You can give him another chance to repent and mend his ways, and warn him against not being serious about repentance, messing about with it and breaking his promise to the Lord of the Worlds. You should exhort him and warn him about the evil of these filthy things, the impact they have on a person and the negative consequences to which they will lead in his religious and worldly affairs. The person who sincerely cares about himself should be careful, lest he be disgraced in this world and punished in the hereafter, for Allah may grant respite but He does not forget:
{So whoever does an atom’s weight of good will see it,
And whoever does an atom’s weight of evil will see it} [az-Zalzalah 99:7-8].
If you can sit with him and have a calm discussion, to try to find out the reasons and motives for his communicating with that woman, we hope that that will be good for both of you.
Undoubtedly whether he is sincere and serious about committing to that will show on him. If he is serious about that, is sincere in his repentance and is keen to protect his marriage, then stay with him and try to protect your marriage too; strive to forget the past and help him against his own nafs and his shaytan with regard to the future.
But if it is otherwise, and he goes back to his old ways, starts to mess around, breaks his promises and carries on in that way, then there is nothing good for you in such a man.
And Allah knows best.
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