If her guardian refuses to give her in marriage to a man who is already married and has children, is he unjustly preventing her from getting married?

If this man is good in terms ofreligious commitment and character, and you want to marry him, then tell him toapproach your guardian (wali), and tell your guardianabout his good qualities and that you accept him. If your father agrees toaccept him as a husband for you, then praise be toAllah. If he refuses and gives an acceptable reason for that, then it is notpermissible for you to try to marry him through the imam of the mosque oranyone else, because there is saheeh evidence thatthe approval of the guardian is a condition of marriage being valid and that itis not permissible to overlook him so long as he is not unjustly preventingmarriage. Unjust prevention of marriage means preventing a woman from marryinga compatible man of whom she approves.

For example, the Prophet (blessings andpeace of Allah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with aguardian.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2085; at-Tirmidhi, 1101; Ibn Maajah, 1881, from Abu Moosa al-Ash‘ari; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh at-Tirmidhi

And he (blessings and peace of Allah beupon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of herguardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, hermarriage is invalid.”

Narrated by Ahmad, 24417; Abu Dawood, 2083; at-Tirmidhi. 1102.Classed as saheeh by al-Albaaniin Saheeh al-Jaami‘,2709

If it is proven that marriage has beenunjustly prevented, guardianship passes to the next closest male relative (onthe father’s side), such as the (paternal) grandfather, then the brother,brother’s son, paternal uncle and so on. If none of these relatives are presentor they refuse to give the woman in marriage, then she may be given in marriageby the Muslim judge if there is one, otherwise the imam of the mosque or aMuslim of similar standing may give her in marriage.

But if the guardian refuses to give agirl in marriage to a married man who has children, this is not regarded asunjustly preventing marriage, because he thinks that it is not appropriate forher or he fears that she may suffer in this marriage, or he fears that theremay be problems between her and the first wife, as happens in many cases ofplural marriage, many of which end in failure and termination of married life.

The guardian has to look at what is inthe best interests of the female relative under his guardianship. In most caseshe is better able than she is to let reason and wisdom prevail over emotion,hence Islam has given him this duty.

An-Nasaa’i(3221) narrated that Buraydah said: Abu Bakr and ‘Umar both proposedmarriage to Faatimah, but the Messenger of Allah(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “She is too young.” Then ‘Aliproposed to her and he gave her in marriage to him. This hadeethwas classed as saheeh by al-Albaaniin Saheeh an-Nasaa’i.

As-Sindi saidin his commentary on an-Nasaa’i: The words “Then ‘Aliproposed to her” indicate that happened straight afterwards without any delay,as is indicated by the word fa (translatedhere as “then”). Thus it is known that the Prophet (blessings and peaces of Allah be upon him) thought that she was too youngfor them (i.e., Abu Bakr and ‘Umar)but that did not apply in ‘Ali’s case. This indicates that being of the sameage or close in age is something to be paid attention to because it is morelikely to lead to harmony. End quote.

Thus it is known that it is possible toreject a man who is of good character and religiously committed, if theguardian thinks that his daughter is not suitable for him in terms of age or ifhe fears that she may suffer in the marriage, or that she may have troubleswith the co-wife, or he hopes that she may receive a proposal from someone whois more suitable for her.

It says in Asna’l-Mataalib(3/108): It says in al-Ihya’: just as it is mustahabb to marry a virgin, it is mustahabbnot to give one’s daughter in marriage except to a virgin who has never beenmarried, because people usually feel more at ease with the first spouse. Endquote.

So do not object to your parents if theyreject this suitor, because they have more insight into married life than youand they are the keenest of people to get what is good for you. Their opinionis based on experience and reasoning, not emotion, and perhaps Allah will blessyou with something good by virtue of your obeying your parents.

And Allah knows best.